September is Suicide Prevention Month and a very important month for D.R.E.A.M. as we have a goal to raise over $3000. Originally we wanted to do $2000 but we felt like that wasn't enough. To be honest, it may never be enough but we are doing our part.
If you are reading this or support us and if you happen to feel alone or think that it doesn't get any better then I want you to read the rest of this post (I also want you to read the rest of this post even if you don't feel that way because this is important).
First and foremost I want to say that I am humbled by everything we have gone through already. To see how many people have supported us brought me to tears this weekend. I love each and every single one of you who supported DREAM and if you have yet to do so I still love you for reading about our journey. To date, we have donated over $5000 and will be nearing our $1000 mark by the end of 2018. To think we'd even be at $5000 is incredible. Hope you are all taking advantage of Labor Day Sales!
I'm Not Getting Any Better
I hate writing about this because although I came out about how bad my anxiety is a few months ago I still feel as if people do not understand me the way they should. I was also told I have adjustment disorder which makes a lot of sense because anytime I am in a foreign situation I have an incredibly difficult time adjusting to it.
Over these last 6 months, my anxiety has become almost impossible to deal with. Finding space to breathe in my chest has become a luxury at night. With the stress of my life increasing by the day because of all my obligations I am starting to crumble. Everything I do at DREAM is a reflection of who I want to be. All my motivational tweets, all my blog posts, and all my product designs are basically a reflection of this other version of me speaking to this version of me telling me that it will all get better. I know it will. Someday it will and I hope that day is before I am gone.
I hope that one day I can get on a plane, find my seat, sit in it, fall asleep, and wake up at my destination. I want to go a week without having a panic attack in the middle of the night because of some shitty dream I had about dying or someone close to me being in trouble. I swear to God I would give up a toe to not have to overthink something someone said or did again for the rest of my life. I hate being this way, and I am sure you hate it too because these feelings aren't fun at all.
I'm Making Changes
It is time to make some changes in my life and I want you all to do the same so that we don't have to go through this anymore (or at least try to avoid it).
- I will seek out for help instead of keeping it inside
- I will avoid toxic situations & people
- I will take my obsessive personality and obsess on more positive things
- I will not succumb to my anxiety and let it defeat me in crucial situations
I am going to make changes to all these important pieces in my life and do everything I can to get better because right now I am getting worse and I am tired of feeling this way. I can't get better overnight but I will over time.
My coping mechanism has always been to dream big and keep telling myself that all the things I dreamed of are on the way. I will never change that. Today (and especially during this crucial month) I urge you all to dream. Whether you want to draw it, speak it, sing it, type it, or however you want to keep reminding yourself about it...DREAM....DREAM BIG. Don't ever put limitations on yourself or let your mental health stop you from succeeding.
Thank you all for listening to me and supporting my dream. Keep the conversation going on Twitter @dreamsruleme and let me know how you feel about this and what changes you are going to make.